Let me preface this with a note of caution: this article isn’t meant to offend, condone, or commend the various facets of body politics. I feel issues about the female body often get mired in controversy with way too may unnecessary questions asked and—much too often—with no correct answers provided. This, then, isn’t a feminist or a chauvinist issue, but simply a practical take that should be useful to both sexes.

Men, listen up! And listen carefully.

There are certain things you MUST know about the female body, and so as to help you avoid any goof-ups with either friend/ girlfriend/ stranger, I am helping you out here. Make sure you adhere to these 10 Golden Commandments:

1) They Take Longer To Be Aroused

I am sure this comes as no surprise, but often, while men may be turned on by as little as a titillating kiss and a sexy pair of legs, women may need much longer and a little more effort. You do want her to arrive at the same height of arousal that you’re at, right? Then make sure to indulge in a little more foreplay and a lot more dirty talk (women have been scientifically reported to respond better to verbal arousal, just as men have to visual).

2) They Don’t Lose Sense When It Is “That Time Of The Month”

Stop making jokes about these; like, seriously! It’s simply in bad taste and brushing off a girl’s genuine concerns or troubles by simply wisecracking, “Ah, it must be your time of the month, eh?” is insensitive and shows you in poor light. Treat her as a counterpart when you’re arguing, fight fair and don’t try to hit below the belt with this one! Just because a girl is on her period doesn’t mean her logic has gone haywire.

3) They Cramp

It’s no rocket science! We all attended biology lessons till at least the eighth grade—enough to know the changes that take place within the mechanism of a woman’s body each month. Get her a box of chocolates, a hot water bag and dunk her her favourite sitcom’s DVDs. She’ll love you for it.

4) They Fart

Men fart. Women fart. It’s but natural. Get over it, men. YOU too, women!

5) They Come in Different Shapes and Sizes

Never, I repeat, NEVER shame a woman, even in the course of a joke about her physical form, shape, size, etc. It’s not cool. Yes, she’s gained a few kilos after that mammoth wedding season blitzkrieg. Think it, don’t say it. Don’t put undue pressure on any woman to look like a fashion magazine model.

6) They Like Cuddling Period

Not everything physical is sexual. Women like to cuddle. A lot. Remember how good it feels placing your head on her lap or embracing her out of sheer joy? Women like it too! In fact, 99 percent of battles can be won if both parties just hug it out at the end. Give her a warm embrace, a loving kiss, let her know you’re there for her.

7) Their Bodies Are Expressive Of Their Moods

If she’s already in her PJ’s, has brushed her teeth and unfolded her blanket, AS WELL AS kissed you goodnight, then more likely than not she’s not in the mood for it tonight. You could always ask, though, or nibble her ear just once to see if she can be persuaded, but if she’s clear on her ‘no’, you need to understand and accept that.

8) They Have Multiple Orgasms

If you didn’t already know that, let me tell you it is true. Women do have the ability to orgasm multiple times within a matter of minutes. Therefore, aid and abet it! Trust her to be patient with you as well, and wait a while before you get things going. Any woman whose body is treated respectfully and with as much attention as your own, will always return the favour.

In the end, I am sure you know all the basics. The golden rule is simple for both sexes: respect the opposite sex as well as their body. If there is something you do not understand, make sure you try and learn about it rather than make jokes.

Understanding is sexy!
Ignorance is so passé.